Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Five years?

Where has the time gone?

Last night about 6:00, I felt a wave a depression like I hadn't felt in a long time.  I felt like a weight was pressing on my chest and I could barely breathe.  I had no idea where it came from.  And no matter how hard I tried - I could not make the feeling go away.  I finally got to sleep around midnight . . . and I woke up at 4, picked up my phone and saw the date . . .

July 6th. 

Grandma has been gone for five years.  I cannot believe it.

And once the source of my sadness was known - it was a little easier to breathe . . . and yet it wasn't.

There have been so many times over the past five years where I wished I could pick up the phone and call Grandma and ask her what I should do.  She never told me what to do - she just talked me through things, told me stories of her own life, and somehow made me feel better about things - no matter what the outcome.

And there were three things that Grandma could do that ALWAYS made me feel better - as a little girl AND as I got older . . .

  • Her cooking.  Probably where I developed some of my emotional eating issues - but nothing could beat Grandma's comfort food!
  • Her music.  Singing with Grandma made you feel better about everything.  You cannot stay down when your voice is lifted in song.
  • Her hugs.  My Grandma's arms wrapped around you were the only thing you needed when you felt like you'd lost your handle on life.  She grounded you and made sure you know that it would all be better in the morning.
I learned so much from you, Grandma.  And I'm still learning - every day . . . and teaching my own children all of the things I learned from you.

Thank you.

I love you.


Tony and Rett said...

Awww...I totally miss her too. Her openness, her caring arms, her laughter.

Love you, friend. And loved Grandma Reba!!

KPCL Girl said...

A counselor once told me just what you have attested to--that our bodies/souls remember 'trauma days' and mark them annually. February and the end of August/early September have annually been hard times for me, and 'my psyche' (or whatever) remembers those....