Not of this World: I can't believe it has been two years . . .

July 6, 2005 . . . the day my beloved Grandma went home to meet her Savior.

It was a day she strove for, her entire life. I never really realized it until that last week. We were all together, and my youngest cousin was having a hard time with letting her go. She knew that Grandma would soon be in a better place, but she felt bad because it seemed weird that we were all there together, just waiting for her to die. At that moment, it occurred to me how ready Grandma was to go Home and how long she had waited for that day.

Grandma's favorite songs all dealt with going Home and meeting Jesus. Some of her favorites are below . . .

"I’ve got a mansion just over the hilltop
In that bright land where we'll never grow old
And some day yonder we will never more wander
But walk on streets that are purest gold"

I am sure she is enjoying her mansion now. :-)

"You may ask me how I know my Lord is real
You may doubt the things I say and doubt the way I feel
But I know he's real today he'll always be
I can feel his hand in mine and that's enough for me

I will never walk alone he holds my hand
He will guide each step I take
And if I fall I know he'll understand
Till the day he tells me why he loves me so
I can feel his hand in mine
That's all I need to know"

This was so true of her -- she knew Jesus was with her and that she would someday go Home to meet him -- that's all she really needed to know.

"My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a path that's winding always upward
This troubled world is not my final home.

But until then my heart will go on singing
Until then with joy I'll carry on
Until the day my eyes behold my Saviour
Until the day God calls me home.

The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they're borrowed for a while
And things of earth that cause this heart to tremble
Remember there will only bring a smile.

But until then my heart will go on singing
Until then with joy I'll carry on
Until the day my eyes behold my Saviour
Until the day God calls me home..."

This one is my favorite. I can remember her and my Auntie Linda standing at the kitchen sink singing this song. I always loved the harmonies of the song, but I never really thought about the words until that day we were standing around waiting for her Home-going. It was then that I thought about this song and how much it fit my Grandma.

No matter what happened in her life, she was always singing. I think that singing is what got her through the rough times. She definitely had a melody in her heart that made the love of her Savior shine through. She knew that this world was not her final home and she clung to that with all of her might. But she was still stubborn . . . the day we really thought she was going to leave us - the whole family was there, standing around her bed and singing. After a while - she started mouthing the words along with us. She was NOT going to miss her final concert.

Oh how I miss her . . .

After she died, I found a strength I didn't know I had. For the first time in my life, I wasn't really afraid of dying. Because I knew that when I died, I would get to see her again. Heaven wasn't really real to me until I knew that she was there.

I felt like she had willed some of her strength to me when she left this world -- and it was a good thing, because these last two years were not easy . . . but I got through them.

Lately - I've felt myself falling back into the old pattern of fear I used to live in. When I realized it, I wanted to kick myself for losing that strength I had found. A part of me felt sad, because it was almost as if Grandma had left me . . . but maybe she is just telling me that I'm capable of doing it on my own now. Well - not on my own . . .

I'm sure that I will write many more things that I learned from my Grandma. But for now - I'm just going to remember how much she loved . . . and how she taught us to love . . . and let myself be homesick . . .

"You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now"